Treatment of Parents, Even Sinners & Disbelievers
A number of new-Muslims inquired how they should navigate relations with their family, especially their parents. I recall years ago; I prayed from the pulpit for the parents of people who embraced Islam. An older person came to me saying, “In twenty-six years as a Muslim, this is the first time someone prayed for my parent’s guidance.” Allah make it easy and guide our parents to Islam.
The answer bellow if from an normative legal manual, with the explanation of an incredible giant of Islamic-law.
In discussing the obligations towards parents, Ibn Abi Zayd, may Allah have mercy upon him, states. Honoring one’s parents is compulsory, irrespective of their moral or religious standing. This includes parents who may be sinners or even polytheists. In such situations, one is advised to speak to them with kindness, treat them with respect, and live with them in a manner that is recognized as good. However, one should not comply with them if they encourage sin, aligning with Allah’s guidance.
Commenting. al-Qadi Abd al-Wahab, may Allah have mercy upon him, elaborated on this principle by referring to the Quranic injunctions: Allah has ordained that one must show excellence towards their parents (Quran 29:8). This directive is reinforced through various verses, including prayers for parental forgiveness (Quran 14:41), commands for good treatment (Quran 6:151), and gratitude for the favors bestowed upon oneself and one’s parents (Quran 46:15). Furthermore, Allah Almighty emphasizes the importance of speaking respectfully to one’s parents, especially in their old age, and showing them humility and mercy (Quran 17:23-24). Then he added,
“This guidance serves as a reminder of the virtue in treating parents with honor and prohibits causing them any harm, offering the most emphatic means of severing any inclination towards disrespect. Additionally, the Quran explicitly mentions the reward for those who are dutiful to their parents. The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ, when asked about engaging in jihad, highlighted the significance of serving one’s parents as a form of striving in their cause, demonstrating the paramount importance of filial piety in Islam. And the Prophet ﷺ was asked, “Who deserves the most kindness?” The reply was: “Your mother,” which was repeated three times, followed by “then your father.”
And be ﷺ said, ‘Shall I not inform you of the greatest of major sins?’ which included associating partners with Allah and disrespect towards parents.
Ibn Mas’ud asked the Prophet ﷺ about the best deeds, to which he replied: ‘Prayer at its appointed time, kindness to parents, and Jihad in the way of Allah.’
It was narrated by Hamid al-Tawil from Hasan bin Muslim from Mujahid, who attributed it to the Prophet ﷺ: ‘Everything between a servant and Allah has a veil except the testimony that there is no deity but Allah and the supplication of a parent.’
Even if the parents are sinners or polytheists, their right to kindness does not diminish because this is a right of Allah, as the general evidence covers the case with the sinner, and because the reason for which one is commanded to be kind to them, their parenthood, remains. However, one should not obey them in matters that involve disobedience to Allah, and such refusal is not considered undutiful. Similarly, if they prevent him from something that is of benefit to him, which he cannot do without, or if his abandoning it or doing it would result in harm. The basis for this is Allah’s statement: ‘But if they endeavor to make you associate with Me that of which you have no knowledge, do not obey them. Yet accompany them in this world with appropriate kindness.’ (Quran 31:15),
Regarding those who prefer Allah’s right over the parents’ right, “You will not find a people who believe in Allah and the Last Day having affection for those who oppose Allah and His Messenger” (Quran 59: 22), a verse revealed about Abu Ubaidah ibn Al-Jarrah and the verses about parents are numerous.”